Sunday, May 31, 2009
It's been a few weeks since the flow of my creative thoughts have been expressed in this form. I had a (temporary) illusion of the equivalent of a network shutdown from a 'blown circuit'.
With the overload of activities of recent weeks with Business Training, writing in preparation for my first edit for my book, internet business coaching, traveling and completely out of routine, my mind somewhat resembled a cerebral circus, with the finale of all acts on stage, bending, twisting and contorting the inside of my skull ending with a tremendous thump!
Actually, it was more like a sudden protest! With all Acts coming to a grinding halt! All neurons rebelling against the lack of attention and applause for their entertaining deeds. For the audience (me) observing these acts went into a mind-numbing procrastination not sure of what to do with all the distraction...
The problem was...
I was in my head... instead of my heart.
How did I get there? How did I shift (and momentarily regress) from the heart-felt spiritual awareness I have been living in and enjoying so much these last months, to a place of baron lands filled with fear, doubt, worry, and uncertainty. A place where the ego dominates with such force (illusion) with the tools of emotions that have us feeling separate from the whole.
I had ignored the internal GPS, the inner guidance of my heart... momentarily thinking I could use my will to create additional results, against my gut instinct. I let the chatter of my mind (ego) to justify and convince it's activities to distract me from the truth.
In my brain fog I reached out to a few 'teachers' for external advice. Some of it resonated with my spirit and and some of it; my mind grasped the suggestions and momentarily threw a veil over them, filtering the experience with reasons, justifications and excuses... finally causing me to feel anxious in thought and detached from my spirit.
I had pulled out the old illusion from the recess of the attic of my mind, dusted it off and mounted this belief on the mantle-piece of my fore-mind: I bought back into the old belief I was separate again from the Divine purpose of my life.
Thank God, I had the presence of mind to remember to pull the 'emergency break' and STOP!
A few days ago I decided to give myself permission to take a three day break.
For the past week, I had been berating myself for not meeting the high-level tasks on a daily basis, which I am so well accustomed to do. Normally, I can have a blog written, two chapters done, a business deal, several phone calls, meditation and yoga practice all done before 11:30 a.m.! And then the day would be filled with further creative endevours.
But this week, with my mind leading, all order was thrown into chaos without much action taken.
It's when we stop, that the heart speaks. The soul silently whispers in a voice clear enough for us to listen. The authentic beat of our heart creates a harmonic rhythm which draws us back into the flow of our life... Instead of struggling against the current upstream, I'm now floating downstream again enjoying the current moment.
Our heart is our best teacher and really the only one we MUST listen to.
The key is gratitude. And being present in the now. It keeps us conscious of our life force in alignment with the beat of our heart.
What I have relearned (again) this week is clarity. Of what I want. Of what is my heart and soul's purpose. Of what drives me. I've also learned of the few repressed emotions, which I had unconsciously been smothering with a field of distractions.. so I lovingly attended to the emotional 'child' with kindness, like a mother with unconditional love would.
The truth is. Everything is an illusion. And the dramas and concerns we can make up in our head, creating elaborate conversations and even rehearsing counter-discussions to our perceived circumstances, are simply a detour made with the mind to falsely believe it can control the heart.
The heart wins every time.
The heart knows your life intention.
I have learned these few weeks, that when our attention is not in alignment with our INTENTION, then we ache, contract, think small, act small..
But when our attention is in alignment with our intention, we are in the flow of life... and experience a joyous bliss without cause, simply in gratitude for life.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Have you ever experienced a flight delay? How about three on the same day? Oh, and then add in the adventure of mother nature expressing my frustration for me... how?
Today went like this. First, a delayed flight from San Francisco to LAX, causing a missed flight to Palm Springs. But really, the day's disorder started before our awareness of the delayed flight.
Darryl, my friend I was traveling with, went missing in action from the security check-through. I mean literally he just disappeared. I had handed over my ticket and passport ID for the security check and walked forward to put my belongings on the conveyor belt. A few seconds later I turned around to check on Darryl. I couldn't see him. I thought perhaps he might have gone ahead to a different line. I went ahead believing I would catch up with him on the other side of the x-ray.
Scouring the queues with my eyes, I couldn't see him anywhere. My mind started racing with a line-up of scenarios, but honestly I stood there baffled. So I called him on his cell phone. He answered, "Hey! I had to go back to the counter to get my ticket. The one he gave me was the luggage receipt. I'll be there in a minute."
When he caught up with me he also had the two tickets for the next flight leg from LAX to Palm Springs, which were also left behind. Our first tickets had no seat allocation and we soon found out why. The flight was running almost two hours late. At the gate counter we were given additional tickets for a later flight for the second part of our trip.
We finally arrive at LAX. We waited for two hours and were ready to board the flight at the first call. "Oh wait!" Darryl notices the tickets aren't quite right. "There's no seat allocation on these." So back to the gate counter to organize our seats. "We're sorry, this flight is full. You should have checked in to let us know you were here." We prodded for a few options to get on the flight. It was made clear we weren't going to be passengers on this one. So we were scheduled for the next flight. Two hours away.
We gave each other a consolatory look. At least the flight was for this evening. We needed to be there in time for a conference starting at 8am tomorrow morning. So we decided to find a restaurant and bar to enjoy a meal and a drink. It was a great opportunity to spend some time to get to hear about each others lives.
We made it to the new gate for the flight, expecting to board. Instead we got another delay. I pulled out my iTouch and listened to some music, drowning out the frustrating thoughts in my head which were finally erupting as they glided past each other, clashing.
Then we heard another announcement. "We're sorry about the delay. It should only be another 10 minutes. We're experiencing mechanical issues." No sooner had she finished speaking, we felt and heard an almighty thunderous bang! The event caused the terminal building to shake and wobble for about ten to fifteen seconds.
I looked up from my lap, and into the faces of the people around me.
The windows wobbled like jelly on a plate. I first thought perhaps a plane had hit the terminal. The lady who had been on the microphone shrieked.
There was a pause in everyone's breath, followed by a ripple of laughter.
"Was that an earthquake?" I ask Darryl.
"It sure was!" He nodded, and was visibly excited. "We wouldn't have experienced this if we had of been on the plane!" Within minutes he was using his iPhone to google information on the siezemic activity. "It says here 6.28! Wow!"
We later found out it was 4.7 magnitude, with no injuries or damage.
I'm finally settled into my hotel room, and snuggled into my comfortable bed. Grateful to finally be here, and equally grateful for the adventurous day.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Today has been a local adventure in the streets of Redwood City, California and the surrounding suburbs. I’ve rented a hire car, this time with no GPS, to have the freedom of travel and to complete some errands over the coming days whilst I’m in town. Even though I have been based in the Bay area for the past twelve months for my extensive travels in the Americas and beyond, I am still ‘new’ to navigating as I haven’t spent any real time here yet, until now.
Today, I experienced an encounter with a Paramedic Unit, maneuvering my vehicle out of the way to let them pass on their priority one. Whilst I’m remembering to drive on the right hand side of the road (and not the left), faced with the emergency I had to observe which way was the correct way to move to give them priority.
With the ambulance now passed and gone from my sight, I followed the road to enter the 101 Highway entrance. It was packed, bumper to bumper. The move was slow and time consuming. My mind, triggered by the ambulance, flicked back to a memory of my past life as a Paramedic in Australia. Specifically, to a road traffic incident my partner and I were called out to on the first minute of our shift on a Sunday morning.
The speaker system in the depot blasted with it’s warning BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Priority 1!
My partner and I finished our brief check on the vehicle, making sure we were covered with the basics. We didn’t have time to do an extensive check yet. The information bleeped on the electronic sigtec on the ambulance dash. I picked up the radio, “rodger” and identified the vehicle.
The details read, ‘P1. Car V Sheeptruck. ? 1 fatality.’
My heart jumped into my throat. “Let’s move!” I shouted to my partner who was walking around to the driver's seat. It was my turn to attend, but as a second year ambulance officer I still defaulted to my senior partner for incidents like this.
We pulled up to the scene, which was a road littered with car debris for approximately fifty meters. I groaned, not liking the possibilities of life at all. We passed the sheep truck which was pulled off to the side of the road twenty meters before the vehicle with the patient.
When we pulled the ambulance up to the smaller vehicle involved, the driver’s side was ripped back like a lid from a sardine can. The young driver was thrown out of the vehicle, on his back, unconscious and bleeding profusely. The fire crew were already on the scene keeping the crowds now swelling at bay, and providing a privacy shelter to the patient.
We wrapped and packed the patient as quickly as possible for immediate transport without delay. He was the most broken human being I had so far witnessed in my job and I was conflicted inside of my abilities to assist in saving his life, and fighting with my own questions on ‘why this young man's life?’ ....
Once on the road to the hospital on the fastest priority One I’ve ever traveled, I couldn’t do much more than reassess his vital signs, keep the saline infusion running and call the hospital with as much advance notice for a full medical team to be at the ready. I then prayed for his spirit.
I was conflicted with my own questions. “God, why?! Why is this man even barely alive? If he lives, he will be such a mess. Why did you not just spare him?” These were not questions or answers for me to judge, they were of my own human needs for understanding such pain and loss.
That young man died in ICU three days later. He didn’t stand a chance, but he hung on for those few days because of the immediate medical attention he was offered in the critical time frame.
It was nearly three weeks later that I came to understand the answers to my questions and found profound meaning. God had delivered a beautiful lesson to me.
I was now sitting at a different depot, waiting in between jobs with my new partner whom I had shared the details of the critical incident with earlier that morning. His quirky daily habit of reading the obituaries came as a blessing to me as he gently looked up at me. “Hey Katie, there is a message here from the family of that young man you attended to that died.” He flicked the newspaper as he adjusted his position, leaning forward. "It says, “To the emergency crew and the hospital staff who bought us the time to say goodbye to our loved one. With much gratitude, we thank you with all our hearts.”
My grief exposed, I wept and began my own healing at the now tangible gift of what seemed such a senseless loss.
It was a valuable lesson on two fronts. That when we serve someone on this planet, we never know the true meaning or extensive reach of our touch and contribution. Even when it seems all is at a loss. And secondly, we just don’t know how much time we have in life to live, or if we are lucky enough to have a warning, for ourselves or loved ones, before our number is up.
This experience has greatly influenced my daily attitude of gratitude and living each day with as much adventure as possible... for I am fourteen years ahead of that young man who died so abruptly, and I don’t know when my time is up.
Are you living each day with the love and passion it deserves? What would you do differently if you had only 72 hours left to live? What would you say, to who? How will you let the world know who you really are, when we drop the social masks that keep us pretending to be someone we’re not? ...how will you be remembered? What legacy will you leave for the world as a witness to your life?
These are the questions I ask of myself on a regular basis. They drive me to step-up, live with an open heart, live with adventure, live with love and most importantly live with an authentic spirit.. I am ..ME, a beautiful light and expression of love.
Turn ME upside down, and it reads "WE" ... We are beautiful lights with the purpose of life being: to express love and joy through the authenticity of our spirits... Take the time NOW, to live with an authentic heart...
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Today is an interesting roll over of effects. Like compound interest, hastened by a lot of debits added with time, so too is my life accumulating the fruits of my labour.
Yet, these last few days I found myself in a slump, compared to my usual high energy self. I’ve been wondering why on earth I haven’t felt as happy, and vibrating as high as usual? I considered the facts that I have been traveling a LOT these last few weeks. Haven’t drunk my usual daily allotment of water, so possibly dehydrated. I’m settling into a new place, but that’s not it either.
Then this morning, it dawned on me as I am sitting in Starbuck’s (my usual office in the USA) sitting here with ‘writers block’, satisfying my growling stomach with a sandwich for breakfast. I’m thankful as I chew and swallow my first bite.
Oh! I get it! I realized that in the last few days I hadn’t been practicing my usual morning gratitude questions I am so conditioned to acknowledge... and as a continuance (or lack there of) I hadn't been as focused on my continuous state of my awareness of Gratitude.
So I paused from my blank mind space where I have been trying to will forward my creative flow for writing, and just said “Thank you”. I focused on at least ten things that I am grateful for, right now! I’m grateful to be alive for another beautiful day to explore my life! I’m grateful for the amazing health I have right now. I’m grateful for the smile I brought to a strangers face a few moments ago because I smiled at them and acknowledged their presence. You get my drift.
It’s amazing how quickly that GRATITUDE sends a bolt of energy through the body and lights up the spirit.
Gratitude is an incredible gift. It lights up our souls, grounds us and keeps us present in the NOW. With gratitude, there is love. And with gratitude and love, there is no space for fear. It loosens up the network of fibers within our spirit to allow freedom for the soul to express it’s true desire. It helps us connect with our higher self and sets us on course to manifest our purpose: which at it’s highest level I believe is the same for us all - to be happy, joyful beings expanding every day in bringing light to the world through our own unique gifts.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Like any goal worth pursuing there is always beauty in the goal, a sweet trail if you follow the scent... just listen to your heart.
Like the rose, which is admired, beautiful, luxurious in smell when organically grown, so too is the evolution of a goal in it's growth.
A rose needs to be fertilized, watered, given sunshine and appreciated for its beauty. It also needs to be left alone sometimes, to grow and bloom... from a small bud into the multi-layers of it's magnificence... not unlike the heart... and our spirit in living our purpose.
There are times when the dead-wood needs to be pruned, to release the old energy and make way for new growth. It's important to be mindful of what no longer serves the goal (rose) and to cut back, in order for new and more flowering.
Beware the thorns, which are there to protect. If they harm, it is only because we have not paid attention. Like the yin and yang of life, there is the balance of everything... the light and the shadow of which we live.
And whilst we most often appreciate the rose in it's bud or full bloom, often now cut in long stems and sitting in a vase on our table... it is the journey for which created it, that is the essence of the true beauty.
Remember the journey, the growth and the organic process of the rose that smells the sweetest. Sometimes TIME is the missing ingredient in many of our highest goals in this fast paced culture most of us now live... beware of the forces to hasten a process, for like the thorns on the rose to protect, they just might prick you.. and like the flowers grown in haste to sell, they are often missing the beautiful ...and magical scent.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Today I have attended Billionaire, Bill Bartmann's Business Training in Palm Springs, California. It has been a day filled with growth, opportunity and many learnings; and sometimes in a fashion least expected.
Like, when I took a quick run to the restroom to take care of a pressing urge to balance up the impossible amounts of water I had consumed sitting through the morning session of the conference.
I had exited the main room through one of the many double doors which decorated the boundary of this abode. Whilst I could exit out of the nearest door to my seated location near the back of the room; the only ENTRY door people were able to gain access to the room was from the furthermost end where I sat.
When I came out of the ladies rest room, I faced the west side of the conference room, where I watched one of the doors ajar, beginning to close. I stood still in the hallway, thinking to myself "if I'm quick I could get through that door." But I stood still, and let the opportunity pass as the solid door gracefully closed and clicked shut.
I missed my chance.
Then I walked around the corner toward the north-side, intending to head toward the entry door closest to the north-east end of the room. As I rounded the corner, there was the door I exited, but generally is locked for entry. It too was ajar, even less than the previous door.
Without stopping to think this time, I lunged forward and grasped my chance to save myself the extra distance to enter the room; which meant to me that I would capture as much information as possible, not missing a beat!
My index finger hooked around the door jam, just as it was about to shut permanently. It was the equivalent of getting my toe in the door! I pulled back the heavy door and snuck into the room from the back and took my seat.
I took a few moments to recognize a beautiful lesson I had just embraced. I had watched one door of opportunity close on me, because I stood thinking about the possibility. The second time I recognized the next door of opportunity I seized the moment and took IMMEDIATE ACTION.
The result. I got in!
I also learned a second lesson.
Whilst we are conditioned to go through a certain path, as in the main entrance, which can be that extra distance away, or sometimes bottle-necked from a flow of traffic from the 'herd' of people following a beaten path.... it is always possible to seek doors (and windows) of opportunity to achieve our goal, if we take action when we see it and believe it's possible. In this case, I believed it was possible I could use this door as an entry in spite of the perceived 'rules' to use the main door.
I reflected on how such a simple moment I experienced is such a great metaphor in life.
Which doors of opportunity have you seen close, because you stood and thought about it? Are you keeping your mind and spirit at the 'readiness' for the next door (or window) of opportunity that presents itself to align you with your goal or path in life? Will you take immediate action?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
This time last year, I was in a different position in life: mostly because of how I thought.
I had my head still underground, buried in the sand, right at the base of my 'problem' of not knowing my purpose of being in the USA (having traveled from Australia), after the illusion of a hopeful relationship disintegrating within thirty-six hours of arriving in the country!
It was an absolute gift, right from the start of the new journey. However, at the time, I just felt lost without direction. So for a while, I wandered through the streets of life, making a left turn here, a right turn there, and creating a lot of adventures along the way.
It wasn't long before I began to trust my internal guidance system, my personal GPS, which ventured me forth into realms I possibly would not have dared to go on my own prior to the 'relationship' period. With my new single status, and now a traveler, I followed my heart.
That took some learning. It was by default really, and not until today, where upon another flight (this time to Palm Springs, California) that I realized a clever little trick I had been creating for myself to help me embrace life, the challenges that come - BIG & SMALL - and for those 'problems' that occasionally temporarily appear to loom over me, APPEARING too big for me to handle.
You see, perspective is all an illusion.
Whilst up in the air today, admiring the geographical view from my window seat and snapping pictures by the dozen like a Japanese tourist, I had a big "AHA!!" moment.
Like many of us, I've traveled in airplanes (and helicopters) a lot, so have a regular visual of a"bird's eye view".
I became conscious that I have 'naturally' been creating a personalized visual process for everything I do in life. Not just for perceived 'problems' (which I call challenges), but also for the BIG PICTURE for the majority of decisions I make in life.
If you've never been up in an air-craft (and yes, I have met many people who never have!) then use the picture above as a guide to create a visual in your mind's eye of what life looks like from a distance.
Unlike, when you are in the face of a problem, when you're up 'against the wall', can you distinguish the details of a house or garden from this height? No! ...Yet, the house you live in (quite possibly) is large and you can't see beyond your neighbour's fence.
The same happens when we sit low to the 'ground' in our perspective of an issue: whether that is an argument with a loved one, an opinion (from where you stand, based on what you personally have experienced: seen, heard, felt, and lived in your life) or a 'problem' that you currently have the illusion is bigger than you.
I've often imagined in my mind, pulling myself back, waaaaaaaay back from whatever it is that is concerning me. To remove myself, I dissociate as much as possible, to create a WHOLE picture from many angles. In doing so, I raise myself above the horizon, so to speak, ...so I can see more and come up with a solution at a higher level than the 'problem' was created.
Life is just a series of strategies... patterns... which every human being experiences.. No-one is alone. There is no problem that a single person has had, that isn't and hasn't been available to a multitude of others.
But one thing needs to be understood. If you have found yourself at the foot of a 'problem' you need to get to the head of it, to see above it, in order to create an empowering solution.
The strategy that got you to your problem, will not be the same strategy to help you solve it. This is where it is best to seek out a mentor, through reading, networking... or simply ASKING someone who has BEEN where you are at (but are now beyond) so you can recieve sage wisdom to grow and expand beyond with a solution that will raise you up to a whole new level.
Myth: If you have enough money, your problems are solved.
Truth: Your problems are just BIGGER and (hopefully) BETTER Quality - and usually financial 'problems' have extra zeros...
The Message: Life is a series of challenges. If you choose to live small, you will call them problems. If you choose to STEP-UP and embrace life: grow, become the fullest you can be and feel fulfilled in doing so, then STEP-BACK and look at the challenge as a whole unit.
It is from this perspective that you can create a series of empowering illusions, of possible outcomes to create a powerful solution: feeding your soul with love, growth and contribution to your life. It is from this advantage point that you empower yourself.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
This day last year I was in San Jose, California. I shared the evening with two friends where I had been camping out on their one-bedroom unit floor for what was to be the second night. I was wedged between the lounge settee and the television on a blow-up mattress on the floor, blocking all entry to the small kitchen. The inn was full!
I had been nurtured by these two sweet souls that tucked me under their wing, and shared their small but sacred space with me whilst I was regathering my spirit and identifying myself with a new creative adventure. Now solo, and currently moving from place to place.
We went out to dinner and shared the experience of watching a ball game and devouring our meals at a local sports bar. The noise level of the restaurant became intoxicating with the shouts, shrills and cheers as the teams were scoring or indeed being beaten by the opponents.
I reflect back on my life history of moving home so many times, twenty-six in all over thirty-two years. Neither of my parents had any association with the armed forces or some other career path that encouraged such a rapid and consistent change in the display of life circumstances.
They'd just chosen a more nomadic life-style, moving to where they felt they needed to be next. Whilst this may seem like a disruption to life, it taught me a great lesson in flexibility and embracing change. It taught me the gift of looking for the new opportunities and adventures to experience. The impression of this path is conditioned in my being, and I'm embracing the change now, thankful for the references in life I can draw on.
Leaning on the bar and toying with my food, I'm thinking to myself, "I know I will be OK. Better than OK." I then decide, "I'm going to have the best year of my life!"
*** *** *** ***
Today I'm back in San Francisco, having flown in yesterday. I met up with a great friend of mine who I connected with last year during my most amazing adventures...
We went out for lunch at a local restaurant to catch up on the details of each others lives.
My friend shared with me the considerable and rather drastic changes that have occurred for her and her partner especially over the last twelve months and I listened with a heart space full of love, and certainty for her, that everything will "be Ok. Better than OK."
I didn't voice this out loud. I didn't need to. She understood. I just know from my own personal life experience, and the enormous amount of those experiences stacked solidly on top of one another in such a compressed time period in the recent year, that life evolves and changes, and that everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes we become aware of the reason very early in the experience. Sometimes it may take years ahead, to reflect back in hindsight to witness the miracle of events that led us to where we are meant to be at that given moment. And that if 'this' hadn't happened, and 'that' hadn't happened, then the result would be a different outcome.
Everything happens for a reason. If we are temporarily stuck in a place of foggy recognition of this, then the lesson simply hasn't been integrated into your soul yet. It will, if you allow it. And then you have the added benefit of all the wonderful gifts revealing themselves. They were always there. You've just now learned how to unwrap them.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Each day and every moment brings with it the opportunity to say "Yes!"
YES! to your life.
YES! to setting a higher standard.
YES! to your living out your heart's desire and soul purpose.
YES! To taking action now...
It doesn't have to be a giant leap. A baby step is all that is required.
One after the other, with your mind firmly set on your goal,
but keeping your focus on the present and fully engaging in the
adventure you are in right now!
It begins now, with what you have and what you are doing;
Using your current circumstances to strengthen your spirit
and learn along your path now.
When you have expanded past your current 'boundaries'
You will naturally extend forward to that place in your mind
that you create in your vision of where you want to be,
and who you want to become.
Allow fear to become your ally instead of the foe you avoid;
Which only causes you to shrink back from a life you know you fully deserve now.
Let the act of grace combined with attitude become your highest values.
The combination of the two give you the power of gratitude.
Practice daily gratitude for what you have now, and for what is already on it's way to you; It just simply hasn't manifested itself yet.
May you step up in faith and serve your purpose at the highest level,
and ...let fear of the unknown become your greatest adventure.
- Katie Gilbert
Sunday, May 3, 2009
This day last year, the cab pulled up at the hotel to take me to the train station. I had booked a train, and then a bus to take me to San Jose. It was to be a long journey for the better part of the day.
Getting the three bags and my backpack from the cab inside the train station was a task. The abrasive, heavy set black woman behind the counter, told me where to put my bags on the scale to weigh them. One was too heavy, so I shuffled my gear to a corner and repacked my bags, sensitive to keep my underwear hidden from public view.
I fumbled through my belongings, wondering why I brought so much stuff. I now regretted bringing so much. My only option right now, was to take it with me.
I pulled the bags up and laid them on the scale, one at a time, as instructed. I held my breath, hoping they’d come in underweight. One was still over the limit by several pounds. The same lady looked at me, cocked her head and rolled her eyes.
“Lady, the bag needs to be under fifty pounds. No more! You’ll need to shift some of the weight into that bag.” She points to the first one, which weighed in at 46 pounds. The bag she was instructing me about is 58 pounds. It was still going to be over weight.
So I reworked my backpack to shift heavy items from the suitcase into my carry-on. And shuffled more into the other bag. She relented at two pounds over the limit.
*** *** *** ***
Today, I have ONE small suitcase full, and an empty one to bring with me on this next journey. I feel much lighter these days, and more selective about what I choose to carry as luggage.
Not just physical luggage. But emotional. I dumped a lot of it!
Through this journey, I have had many realizations. One that I can choose what to hold on to and what to let go of.
Now I carry the extra bag, empty of the trappings of life knowing at any time I can add to it, and carry for a short time those things I value now. Knowing, now, that at any moment I can release it if it no longer serves me, and better yet, if it can serve another for their journey...
Saturday, May 2, 2009
This day last year was crucial in the turning of events.
A decision was made and by noon I was waiting on the driveway with all my luggage (three large suitcases and a backpack) for a cab to pick me up to take me to a local hotel. It would be there that I'd make a plan for my next step.
It was also there that I contemplated the course of events that morning. The details don't matter, but the learning does. I found myself in a place of immense uncertainty, but knew that everything was going to be ok, and in fact, there's a greater reason for my journey that was across the horizon, momentarily out of my vision.
In spite of this knowing, I still felt numb. I also felt a little afraid of where to go and who to call. So I stayed still in my own space for a few days - journalling, praying, and spending a lot of time in inner reflection.
I felt a struggle within, as my mind chattered away with it's rules and fears. My spirit stayed strong. My heart just wanted to be nurtured, held, hugged and healed from the emotional shards embedded from the emotional bomb that had gone off earlier that day.
I cried, and I cried. I drank coffee and wine. I slept. I spent time connecting with my spirit.
I also phoned home.
What was I going to do next?
*** *** *** ***
We've all had exeriences in life where things don't turn out to be the way we plan them to be. But everything happens the way it needs to.
This turning point for me, was a GIFT, as is everything in life.
I soon learned to stop labelling events or outcomes as 'good' or 'bad', rather as 'just is'.
For what may look like right now, as a 'bad' turn, was in fact a GREAT turn in events... as you will see in the book, with the adventures and learnings that ensue.
Friday, May 1, 2009
This day last year was the night after Mr G. and I arrived back in America at his home. Every fiber of my being was sensitive to my soul raising it's alarm to pay attention. I had tried, in vain, throughout the day to dismiss a 'knowing,' rationalizing and justifying my thoughts in my head, telling myself I was just still tired from the long-haul travel, and recuperating from a busy two weeks in Australia, preparing for my trip to the USA.
I went to bed that night with a prayer. "God, please surround me with your Angels for what I am about to invoke, for I know it is inevitable. This situation doesn't feel right, yet I trusted your guidance to bring me here. Now, it feels like there is meant to be a big change. I trust you. Let what is meant to happen, become. I just ask you embrace me with your Angels and give me clear guidance of what happens next." I then fell into a restless sleep, knowing that I was to face a change of events......
*** *** *** ***
Today, I had the opportunity to reflect on this episode, whilst I was walking my beloved dogs in the park down the street from me.
Whilst I enjoyed my walk along my usual route, something warned me inside to keep my dog, Cooper, on a leash. She has become a little over-protective over the last few years. Bless her, for she is a great companion and a dear soul.
My other hound happily sauntered right along side me, whilst I kept Cooper on the leash. I spotted a few other dogs (and their owners) roaming free, coming our way. They pretty much kept to themselves and walked right on passed.
I then felt it. The energy around me rippled and my skin crawled with goose bumps. I looked down at Cooper and witnessed the hair on her back standing on end, her lips curled back in a snarl. In a flash, she whipped around and snapped at a dog, who had been curious and friendly to come back and play with her. I watched the other mutt retreat, turning his head back in a way that said, "I only wanted to play."
I squatted down to caress Cooper. "What's up girl?" I look into her eyes. "I can feel you are off today. What was that about?"
She sat there with sad eyes. I swear, she looked like she was about to cry.
I am aware of my increased sensitivity to my intuition these days. To energy; to what is said without words needing to pass over the lips. I can even sense the energy of my animals, if I am paying attention.
The key is, to pay attention. To own it, not doubt it. To trust it, without rationalizing or justifying. This is true for my case with my dog today, and with my relationships in the past, and now!
I continue to walk, with Cooper trotting beside me on the leash, grateful she was not roaming free when she snapped at the other dog. She's not normally aggressive, in fact predominantly very placid. I'm just glad I paid attention to the shift, the warning bells in that moment.
I throw my mind back to a year ago today, a little uncomfortable for my soul at that time. Whilst I believe that it is important to pay attention to our intuition, I equally believe that EVERYTHING happens for a REASON, and wherever we are, whatever we are doing is perfect for that moment.
And whilst the path that led me there helped me on my journey, it was coming to an end. It was time to awaken to a new path to get me to where I had to go, even if at that time I was unconscious of my soul's purpose to step forward and choose the path it did.
Interestingly, I feel the year has come full circle with a reminder of that learning: that the path that got you to where you are, is not the same path to where you want to go.... and paying attention to your intuition, as it lights up the signposts in life of the new direction to take to reach your goal... and the journey continues...