Thursday, April 30, 2009
Learning to Let Go
On THIS day last year, I was still mid-flight to Fresno from Perth. It was a long flight, and often uncomfortable as I had the middle seat the entire journey, except from LAX to Fresno, where I had a window seat on a smaller 'buzz' plane.
We ('the man who came to collect me,' from here on in I will call him 'Mr. G') arrived at his house, where not long after I met his two young and very beautiful children. There was obviously the boundless joy from them to see their father, and an instant connection with me.
Jet-lagged, unsettled and finding my space, I spent much of that first evening unpacking my bags (I took three!) and catching up on emails and business back in Australia over the internet. I had felt an odd tension, and felt I was honoring Mr G. by giving him some space to spend time reconnecting with the kids after more than two weeks apart.
It was to my amazement later that evening that the space I had provided apparently wasn't appreciated. The next thirty hours became an interesting affair... with tension, distance and odd behavior.
*** *** *** ***
Today as I reflected on this time last year, I flashed back to the disconnected feeling I felt within myself and the situation.
As a cleanse, I spent this afternoon going through my wardrobe to clear out clothes I no longer wanted or needed, or quite frankly don't fit me at the moment. The last year's journey has taken it's toll on my body. I'm now a significant size bigger than when I left for the USA the first time. (However, I'm toning up again with regular walking and yoga :).
I bagged up my clothes and took it to the Good Samaritan store down the road. Handing the gentleman the bags, I said "Thank You!" as I loved forward half my wardrobe.
The man taking my bags said, "No worries," which confused me a little. I guess I had thought he might say "Thank You" for my gift. But I guess that blessing will be in the hands of the person who needs the clothes the most.
When I got back into my car I took a moment to check in with how I felt. Free! I felt lighter, unattached.
I paid attention to a learning popping itself up in my mind.
Sometimes in life, it's not about what we ADD. Rather it's about what we LET GO of.
In this fast paced world we are always collecting and buying more 'stuff'. Or we are seeking a relationship or that certain job to 'fulfill' us. I sat in contemplation of my thoughts. We are so conditioned, unconsciously by our life experiences and the meanings we associate with them. We are unconsciously modeled by family and friends, teachers and close acquaintances, on what we should and shouldn't do; how life should look like; how we should behave; what we should think.
I am washed over with gratitude, as I smile at where I am today, compared to a year ago. The journey I have been through has helped me awaken to my conscious self. Allowing me to reshape my life: reshaping my beliefs; becoming clear on my values; and living with an authentic heart.
In order for me to come to this place so far in my life, I have had to learn to LET GO of a lot of old beliefs that didn't serve me anymore, or perhaps never did. It's amazing to DECIDE what you choose to believe. It certainly assists with being in the flow of life and taking the driver's seat so to speak, instead of being driven on auto-pilot by unconscious factors, usually belief systems that once held me back.
What beliefs do you hold as true, that are limiting you from fulfilling the life of your dreams, by YOUR design?